Love, Friendship & All That Other Stuff

I used to really hate mowing my yard. Now I still don't really like mowing, but I do enjoy the time it takes to get it done, because I use that time to either talk to God or listen to music and become inspired in my thinking. Yesterday I chose to listen to music, and found myself dancing and singing to DC Talk while taking the grass down a notch.

I really enjoy listening to music in this way, because mowing is such a mind numbing experience right up there with watching the grass grow, and it allows me to not only sing, but to think about the lyrics and what the artist is really trying to say. Being a writer, I also enjoy trying to determine what their mindset was while they were creating. This being a fact because usually when I write, it has come from something going on in my life at the time.

Anyway, the song "Godsend" came on, and as I was singing along I began to think about my bride and the 23 years that we've been together as a couple and all that has happened throughout the years. In case you've never heard the song, or it's been a while, click the link and it will take you to YouTube where you can listen to it.

Let's face it, I am a hopeless romantic at heart. There is something deep within my heart that makes me want to do things for my bride to make her life better. And, I actually do see her as my Godsend, she was made specifically for me by my Father, and I was made for her. (That's something that might scare her at times, but it is true.) God made us for each other, and I can think of no better gift I've ever been given except for the gift of salvation.

In the Garden of Eden, Adam was doing the job God has set before him, and spending time with God the Father on a daily basis, and yet it was God who ultimately said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) Man was doing what God wanted him to do, and was in daily communion with God, and that wasn't good enough? Makes me think about men who are workaholics and never take time for their wife. God is the one who said that wasn't good, we should probably listen to Him on this one huh?

What I find interesting in the thinking of God is that He realizes that it is not good for man to be alone, then He puts Adam to sleep and taking a rib from him handcrafts Eve. The Father fashions a woman from man, like a work of art in the hands of the artist he creates her. Then there is the time when God wakes Adam and presents his bride to him. Can you imagine what was going through Adam's mind at the time when he first saw Eve? Vavavavoom!

I know that it embarrasses my bride when I fuss over how beautiful she is to me. It's almost as if she thinks that I am lying to her, am just going on for no real reason, or trying to get something from her . But I have a reason, and that is she is my Godsend, she was made specifically for me and I do love her, more than I think she will ever know.

The enemy of all creation has so attacked women at the core of who they are, that a lot of times they don't realize the beauty that they have. There is an outward beauty that God gave women through creation, and that is nice I won't lie about that, but I'm not talking just about Cheryl's outward beauty, but the beauty that she holds inside. It is Cheryl, the real her, the speaking spirit that I fell in love with. It is this person who is my best friend. That is who God made for me, and me for her.

Who we are on the outside changes with age, there is no denying that. And while I'm still physically attracted to my bride, what makes me truly love her, and always has, is what is on the inside. It is "who" she is, not what she is that makes me want to spend time with her. When I think about all of our years together, what I remember with fondness are the times we spent just being together, whether we were working in the yard, laughing with friends or just spending a quiet evening home together watching a favorite television show.

My heart is taken captive each and every time we are together. Truly, when I look into her eyes, it is like seeing her again for the first time. My heart really does skip a beat when I see her, and while I'm pretty sure I don't always do a good job of showing it to her, I love her more and more each and every day that we spend together. It is my desire that we will grow old together, and like the couple in this video, we will have fun together no matter how old we get.

So listen men, even if you aren't much of a romantic, make time for your bride, and live in such a way that that she knows you love her. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

Twenty-three Years

Coming up in ten days, (August 27th) my bride and I will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. It seems like it was such a long time ago that we started this journey, and as with all journeys you rarely ever know where you will end up when you get started, but finding out is half the fun.

Our journey started where I feel all of them should start, and that is in the local church. When I met Cheryl, I had been born again for about a year. She on the other hand was a Christian all of her life. We could not have come from any more different backgrounds. She was a self-sufficient, able to handle herself girl and I was a boy who had no clue about anything. The one thing I did know, was that God had placed her in my life, and I was so very thankful to Him for doing that. She took my breath away the day that I met her, and she has been doing that ever since. (Something that at times makes my children gag.)

As the years have passed, we have certainly been through good times and bad. We have not been immune to the challenges of life, truthfully, no one makes it through life without some scars to show for it. The thing that makes the difference I think, is the willingness to face those times together, head on and to stay with each in the midst of it. A lot of times when things get rough in a marriage, instead of couples binding together and facing them head on, they end up attacking one another instead.

Life is like a sailing ship on the ocean. The husband and wife are both

very important to the ship in order to get where they need to go, but when a storm arises and the ship gets tossed, instead of facing the storm head on, and battling through it together, they end up yelling at one another, each blaming the other for the problem. They are so busy placing blame that a lot of the time, the storm defeats them, not because the storm was necessarily so bad, but because of their unwillingness to face the challenge together.

My bride and I have had the opportunity to lash out at one another in the past twenty-three years, of course. But what we've chosen to do instead is to stay unified even if we didn't always agree with one another. Remember, Scripture states that we are co-heirs together (1 Peter 3:7) and men, if we want our prayers answered, then we have to treat our brides as an equal partner, and not a servant.

Cheryl and I attended our niece Cassidy's wedding this summer, and while we were there I reflected on the day that Cheryl and I got married, and what a journey it has been. Who would have ever thought all those many years ago that I would be where I am today, because of meeting and marrying this beautiful lady? I know that God has had a lot to do with that, but I also realize that Scripture also states, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord."

Well, I can honestly say that I have found a treasure in my bride, she constantly amazes me with the way that she carries herself in her daily walk with the Lord and in the challenges that life throws at us. She is truly amazing to me, and has made me a much better man, who realizes that any favor that I have from the Lord is due to her being my wife. Happy Anniversary baby, you're the greatest!

I Am One Lucky Man

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This was published by Elizabeth Barrett Browning in 1850, and is most often attributed to William Shakespeare. It is an interesting poem, one which I only remember the opening line. But it is that opening line that I want to expound on today. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How do I love my bride Cheryl? And is it actually possible to really count the ways? I would venture to say only if I have an entire day or more to do so.

I've known many men in my forty-seven years that either say nothing about their brides, or they say too much. Griping, making jokes or belittling them in front of others, all the while wondering why their relationship with their wife isn't all it could be. Many years ago, I decided that there were things about Cheryl that I wanted to see change. (Okay we'd only been married a little while, and we all do it, so don't give me crap about it.)

Anyway, I began to look up Scriptures in the Bible about what God said a wife should be. I wrote those things down, and began to confess them daily about my bride. The funny thing is, that in about a month's time she never did change, but the way that I saw her did. Those things that I was saying about her to try and change her, actually wound up changing the way I was thinking about her, and then she was those things to me. God's Word is amazing that way.

I have been married to this girl for almost twenty-three years now, and we have been through our share of good times and bad, mostly good I'm thankful to say. There has never been a dull moment, as we have grown together as a couple, and I am truly one lucky man. You know the statement that "He sure did marry up." is very true in my instance, I married way beyond me. But the coolest thing I think is that God brought the two of us together, and He has walked with us and helped us to see the best in each other, and to help us correct those things that aren't the best.

In the words of Jack Nicholson's character in the movie "As Good As It Gets", Cheryl makes me want to be a better man. Here's the clip:

And Another One Bites The Dust

Well it has happened again. Another public figure has fallen due to a sexual misconduct scandal. Oregon's seven term Democratic Congressional Representative David Wu has said that he will resign from office because of allegations that he had unwanted sexual contact with a teenage girl.

This guy is fifty-six years old. What was he thinking? Back in Oregon, the pressure has been on him to resign following reports of his erratic behavior. Prior to today's announcement, he tried to deflect such pressure by stressing that he was under going mental health treatment. Why can't men just take the blame and quit trying to pass the buck and blame shift. This is one of the main problems in Washington, men without backbone. Oh, there are a few of them there, but not enough.

My take on this and every other instance we find men in power caught in these types of scandals is that when you have had a taste of power, it sometimes goes to your head and you think that you are invincible. I mean why else would you have a sexual encounter with the daughter of one of your long time friends and donors to your campaigns? What other explanation is there?

The saddest part of this is that Wu has a family that now is being drug through the mud alongside him. Had he only kept his integrity and acted like any responsible adult male should, he would not find himself in this position. I mean come on a fifty-six year old with an eighteen year old, he's old enough to be her grandfather.

Men, we are commanded to love our wives in Scripture using Jesus as our example. He loved us so much that He went to the cross and died for us. That is how we should love our wives, enough that we can give up our little desires to see that her needs are met. God did not call us to a life of selfishness, and whining, "But what about me?" What about you? You are there to meet her needs, relying on God to make sure that your needs are met.

Let's love our wives the right way, and change this world, one relationship at a time!

This Thing Called Marriage

I went on a date with my bride tonight. It's not something that we get to do very often, although there have been more opportunities here lately, now that our kids are teenagers and away from the house more. I've been tempted to tell them to call before coming home, but I'm sure that would just gross them out.

I was thinking about our marriage vows as I drove home from the movie tonight,

you know like this; I, ____take you____ to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. That kind of thing. I was thinking that when I said this to Cheryl almost twenty-three years ago, I never thought about where we would be twenty-three years later.

Now before I say something stupid, let me explain myself. Marriage as my good friend Joe McGee says is hard. And anybody who tries to tell you different is lying to you. This is not to say that marriage is not good, not at all, but marriage is what you make of it. Good or bad for the most part it is what we do with it that makes it either good or bad. And yes I understand that there are exceptions to this, but I'm talking about the majority of marriages.

As Joe says, "You don't find a good marriage you make one." And a truer statement has never been made. I think however because we've seen so much on television and in movies that sometimes we have kind of a mixed up way of looking at what marriage should be like. Relationships are messy, and I think that God kind of made them that way. What I mean by that, is that it is in the messiness of life that we actually learn to grow together.

My bride Cheryl and I will celebrate twenty-three years of marriage in a little over a month, and I can honestly say that I know her better now than I did when we were first married. She would tell you that she knows me better now than when we first married, even though it probably only took a few months to figure me out. But as I was sitting in the theater tonight talking with her before the previews started, (You should never talk during the previews, that's part of the movie experience!) I once again realized what it was that attracted me to this girl in the first place.

I've said it in other blogs before, but I believe that it bears repeating here. It is the little foxes that spoil the vine, as Solomon said in Song of Songs. In other words, it is the little things in life that cause the problems. It is not the big major things usually, because in those times we usually band together and rally to the fight. No, it is those little mundane things; not taking out the trash, badgering your husband to fix something or just talking ugly to each other out of laziness. It is these things that erode your marriage from the inside out.

Well, if the little things can hurt your marriage, then it stands to reason that doing the little things can help your marriage. Saying thank you to your spouse when they do something around the house, instead of saying, "Well you live here too, you ought to be doing some of the work around here!" The devil wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage, and he does it through the little things.

Marriage should be a shining example of what love really is, the giving of one's self to another completely without thought of gain. When we begin to have thoughts about our needs not being met, and how we are the ones who it seems is always giving, then look out! That is the devil trying to get in and cause a little trouble.

Love never deals in absolutes, only selfishness does. If you are find yourself in a situation where you are beginning to think things that are more selfish in nature, stop those thoughts right there. As the Bible says, we are to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Make your thoughts line up with the Word of God concerning your marriage, don't let them control you. It can be difficult, but then we were told to fight the good fight of faith, not to cower in the face of the fight.

There have been millions who have been married and gone on before us, and there will be millions who follow after us when it comes to being married. Let's look at those good examples, and lay down our lives for those around us to see. The dividends will be huge if we'll work at it, and will be so worth it in the end!

Love well, and love long in Jesus Name!

It's The Little Things

If you been in a church for any length of time you have probably heard the phrase, "it's the little foxes that spoil the vine..." I was thinking about this phrase one day and decided to look it up in the Bible. I found it in Song of Solomon 2:14 - 16 which says, "O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies."

What the Lord showed me while I was looking at this phrase, is just as it is the little things (The little foxes.) that can wear down your marriage and bring it to ruin, it is the little things that we do right in our marriage that build it up. You know, it's not really the big things in my marriage to Cheryl that ever trip us up. Usually because the big things are so noticeable, that we immediately fix them. It's those little things, the laundry not in the hamper, the trash not taken out or a kind word not given even when it is deserved that usually make us stumble.

I know you've been there, you do something you think your wife will appreciate, and she either doesn't notice at all, or critiques the job you did. Or she thinks to make your favorite dinner, you enjoy it but forget to thank her for the effort. We all do these things, even though we usually are not trying to hurt our spouse in the process. We truly just didn't think about it, because it is a "little thing".

I think that one of the greatest things I ever do for my bride is to say, "Thank you." That simple little phrase conveys a great deal, and can show that I've noticed unlike anything else will. We need to appreciate our spouse, and let them know it. You know I find it funny that on the day that Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan river, God Himself spoke that He was well pleased with Jesus. I think that if God felt the need to affirm Jesus, then how much more should we affirm those around us too?

Just remember, it is the little things that will mess up your marriage, and it is the little things that will make your marriage great! Keep at it kids, marriage may be hard at times, but it is still the best life that I know of. God bless you as you take care of those little things.

Being Smitten, Being In Deep Smit

Have you ever been head over heels in love with your spouse? Have you ever wished that they had never been born? Okay, maybe that's a little too harsh, but have you wanted to slap them upside their head? I know that in my marriage there have been plenty of opportunities for Cheryl and I to feel that way.

Marriage isn't an institution of unending bliss, no matter what you see on television and movies. Anytime you put two people into an enclosed space for any amount of time there will be friction. But not always, sometimes there are those moments where you believe you might actually be growing together in a good way too.

"Marriage is two ignorant people growing up together." (Joe McGee) I really believe that God kind of tricks us into getting married too. He makes women to be so attractive to the man's eyes, that he will actually do anything to have her. I remember years ago, I would sleep until the last possible moment then get up and race to work. Then I met Cheryl, and was I ever smitten. I was in deep smit (So I Married An Axe Murderer).

I went from waiting until the last possible moment to waking up, getting ready for work and meeting her at her convenience store at 6:00 a.m. (Every day.) I would do anything or go anywhere to get to spend any amount of time with her. I say that God tricks us because if we actually knew what marriage was going to involve, we'd never do it.

Marriage is hard, and anyone who says otherwise is lying. Now don't get me wrong, marriage is great too, but it does take hard work to make it that way. I can honestly say that I grow more in love with my bride each and every day, even if she does something to rub me the wrong way. (Which doesn't happen very often any more.) But it is a choice to love her each and every time.

How about you in your marriage? Are you smitten with your spouse, or do you tend to see more of the negative traits than the positive ones? Do this exercise real quick, write down all of the things that they do that irritates you and on a separate piece of paper write down all of the things that they do that you like.

Then wad up that paper with your "dislikes" on it and throw it away. Tell the Lord that you are throwing that out, and you won't remember it any longer. Now, fold up your "likes" page and put it in your wallet or your purse and every time your spouse does something to irritate you, take that sheet out and remind yourself of those things that you like about them.

Come on folks, we're in the last days, and the enemy of our souls (The devil.) has got his imps working hard to destroy marriages, because he knows that if two get together against him, he doesn't stand a chance. Work at your marriage, go ahead get smitten, get in deep smit!