This Thing Called Marriage

I went on a date with my bride tonight. It's not something that we get to do very often, although there have been more opportunities here lately, now that our kids are teenagers and away from the house more. I've been tempted to tell them to call before coming home, but I'm sure that would just gross them out.

I was thinking about our marriage vows as I drove home from the movie tonight,

you know like this; I, ____take you____ to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. That kind of thing. I was thinking that when I said this to Cheryl almost twenty-three years ago, I never thought about where we would be twenty-three years later.

Now before I say something stupid, let me explain myself. Marriage as my good friend Joe McGee says is hard. And anybody who tries to tell you different is lying to you. This is not to say that marriage is not good, not at all, but marriage is what you make of it. Good or bad for the most part it is what we do with it that makes it either good or bad. And yes I understand that there are exceptions to this, but I'm talking about the majority of marriages.

As Joe says, "You don't find a good marriage you make one." And a truer statement has never been made. I think however because we've seen so much on television and in movies that sometimes we have kind of a mixed up way of looking at what marriage should be like. Relationships are messy, and I think that God kind of made them that way. What I mean by that, is that it is in the messiness of life that we actually learn to grow together.

My bride Cheryl and I will celebrate twenty-three years of marriage in a little over a month, and I can honestly say that I know her better now than I did when we were first married. She would tell you that she knows me better now than when we first married, even though it probably only took a few months to figure me out. But as I was sitting in the theater tonight talking with her before the previews started, (You should never talk during the previews, that's part of the movie experience!) I once again realized what it was that attracted me to this girl in the first place.

I've said it in other blogs before, but I believe that it bears repeating here. It is the little foxes that spoil the vine, as Solomon said in Song of Songs. In other words, it is the little things in life that cause the problems. It is not the big major things usually, because in those times we usually band together and rally to the fight. No, it is those little mundane things; not taking out the trash, badgering your husband to fix something or just talking ugly to each other out of laziness. It is these things that erode your marriage from the inside out.

Well, if the little things can hurt your marriage, then it stands to reason that doing the little things can help your marriage. Saying thank you to your spouse when they do something around the house, instead of saying, "Well you live here too, you ought to be doing some of the work around here!" The devil wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage, and he does it through the little things.

Marriage should be a shining example of what love really is, the giving of one's self to another completely without thought of gain. When we begin to have thoughts about our needs not being met, and how we are the ones who it seems is always giving, then look out! That is the devil trying to get in and cause a little trouble.

Love never deals in absolutes, only selfishness does. If you are find yourself in a situation where you are beginning to think things that are more selfish in nature, stop those thoughts right there. As the Bible says, we are to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Make your thoughts line up with the Word of God concerning your marriage, don't let them control you. It can be difficult, but then we were told to fight the good fight of faith, not to cower in the face of the fight.

There have been millions who have been married and gone on before us, and there will be millions who follow after us when it comes to being married. Let's look at those good examples, and lay down our lives for those around us to see. The dividends will be huge if we'll work at it, and will be so worth it in the end!

Love well, and love long in Jesus Name!