It's A Partnership Not A Dictatorship

Marriage should really be a partnership if it is going to work correctly. Neither marriage partner should act as if it is their way or the highway.

Truthfully when God handcrafted and fashioned Eve for Adam, He didn't do that so that Adam could dictate his will to Eve. Yet since the devil entered the picture that is how he has worked to pervert marriage. He wants one or both of the partners to try and force their will on the other.

Is it any wonder that marriages are failing? Jesus said it in Matthew 12:25 "...every household divided against itself will not stand." When one of the people in the marriage tries to force their will as the only way, and make their spouse bend to their will that becomes a dictatorship and loss of partnership.

I married someone who is completely different than me, and not just because she is a female and I'm a male either. Our personalities are extremely different. A friend of mine saw a bumper sticker in Texas that said, "When two of you are just alike, one of you is not needed." That is so true in marriage. My bride and I rarely see things the same way, and that really is a good thing. She sees things that I may not see when approaching a situation, just as I see things differently than her. When we pool our resources and put aside the "I'm right and you're wrong." way of thinking we become a much stronger unit. And this is where we become a success.

Is it any wonder that the enemy opposes marriage? Think about your own marriage, has it ever been opposed? Most of the time we are so close to the situation that we think it is our spouse that is the problem, when in all actuality it is not. I know in my marriage 9 times out of 10 I am the problem, but then the enemy whispers in my ear that it is her, and I begin to think, "Yeah, that's right. She's the problem, she never does..." and then he has me.

I think the greatest tool that any of us can use in marriage is the "I'm sorry, I was wrong." card. It cannot be used too much, and the greater part of valor is to have your marriage be a success, not a failure. And if it is a failure, more often than not it is because we have just quit trying. Marriage is hard work, and if you are going to enter into marriage you need to know that. It is great, I love being married to my bride, but we don't always get along, agree or hardly ever see things eye to eye. But we have made a commitment to stick it out, forgive quickly and often and work hard to be there for each other, not stick a knife in each other's backs.

Remember, if you are married you'd do well to quit trying to dictate to your spouse, and learn everything you can about how you can work together to make it succeed. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

Naked And Not Ashamed

I heard of a family member (who will remain nameless) that was talking about marriage to his girlfriend. When the dates were discussed, many of them were shot down due in fact to various hunting seasons he would be engaging in. Now when I heard this, I was absolutely blown away (like all of the hunting metaphors?) by the thought that a young man would rather go hunting than on his honeymoon.

Now I'm not trying to be crass here, but when I was younger and my wedding day was drawing closer and closer, I've got to admit that the honeymoon was one of the foremost things on my mind. And yes, if you actually talk to my bride now, she would say that this one thing has not been off of my mind in the past twenty-three years much either.

I have talked with many men over the years, and one of the things that still floors me is that so many men are not enraptured with the love of their wife. I often hear men talk about their brides as if they are either property, or just some person who is in their life who is no different than the local grocery store clerk. To not want to spend time with your bride just absolutely does not compute with me.

I married Cheryl twenty-three years ago, and us getting to be naked together is a benefit of that, but that is not the only reason that I married her. I actually married Cheryl the person, not just Cheryl the body. It is her personality that I really enjoy being around, (this is not to say that she is not pleasing to my eyes, because she is) her love of life and sense of humor really bring joy to my life.

I've often wondered about men who don't treat their wives with the respect that is due them as their wife. We are commanded in Scripture to give them honor as the weaker vessel. This is not to say that they are subservient to us, or not as good as us, but we are to treat them delicately like we would a piece of fine China. They are precious to us, and we have to remember that daily.

Men, if you haven't been treating your wife the best, then I would suggest that you begin to do so today. Think of ways that would make her happy, then go and do those things. Show her that she is the most important thing to you next to God. You'll be glad you did! Loving our wife should be the foremost thing in our thoughts each day, right after how we can please our God, and loving your bride pleases Him greatly!

Eagle Song - Song Of Love

I received the following blog from Col Stringer, a minister from Australia. I enjoyed it so much that I had to share it. Married couples could learn a lot from Eagles. Enjoy...

EAGLE COURTSHIP

It thrilled me to find eagles have beautiful 'marriage' relationships - the female being an ideal mother, the male a courageous and lifelong mate. Here once again we can learn from the eagle - the king of birds with whom we are compared by our heavenly Father. There's so much this wonderful bird can teach us about life together. Eagles mate for life; a fact not common in the animal kingdom. No matter what happens (short of death), the 'marriage' will last - but not only last, the birds put a a lot of effort into making sure the bond lasts. Eagles carry out an elaborate courtship, one that doesn't cease at mating but continues throughout their life together. We can learn a lot from this wonderful bird, especially in the area of marriage relationships. It seems as if the male eagle never takes his mate for granted but continues to court her for the rest of her life. In fact, besides the amorous attention the male displays, he also helps with much of the work, such as hunting for food, feeding and caring for the young.

SKY DANCING

Naturally an eagle’s courtship takes place in the sky - high above the earth, where the bird is most at ease. The mating couple save their best displays of flight for their displays of affection. Occasionally the eagles will perform a midair loop, no mean feat for a bird. The two soar and dive in a breathtaking display of power and agility, virtually 'dancing across the sky'. Gradually they begin to interlock their talons in midair, performing rolling somersaults and engaging in incredible aerial aerobatic feats together. Their 'love song' echoing across their domain. Even normally silent species of eagles resort to these love calls. During the spectacular aerial display the female may carry a stick high into the air and drop it. The male responds by diving to retrieve it. These mating displays may be repeated over and over again, but the climax of the performance comes when the male dives at the female and she rolls onto her back in mid-air. The female flashes her deadly talons, not in a sign of hostility, but one of love as the courting couple dance across the sky. The couple engage in a series of cartwheels as they plummet toward the earth far below - their talons firmly clasped together in a loving embrace. (We have this captured on film on my dvd entitled 'On Eagle's Wings')

It's a beautiful sight and sound to behold the eagles courtship flight as they wheel and glide - locked together in their spectactular nuptial display. Their courtship flight reminds me of two graceful ballet dancers gliding in unison across the sky, soaring and diving - their joyful mating vows ringing and echoing aloft in a realm few creatures ever attain. Their vow to each other speaks of complete and total trust - a vow not taken lightly, loyal to each other unto death. Although this courtship flight takes place at mating, some species of eagle will continue to perform this love ritual throughout their life together, as a sign of devotion, affection and to strengthen the bond between the two. The union grows stronger with the passing years. The couple rarely fight and will join together in the face of adversity, threat, danger and even for the simple pleasure of hunting and soaring together. They are classic mates, besides being lovers and parents, they are friends - happy in each others company. Often they can be observed gliding on the thermals or quietly perched high above the earth, as the couple observe their domain. The king and queen of the sky.

As the male eagle demonstrates great signs of affection for its mate herein lies a lesson for most husbands. Often while the female sits on the nest, the male bird will gently stroke and groom her feathers. Of course it’s impossible to say what the bird’s motives are, but I like to believe that it's a sign of affection. The male may even take his turn at 'baby sitting' the eggs, and should something disastrous happen to the mate, the male will even raise the young alone. That’s dedication, that’s commitment! The king of the sky - a baby sitter! Some species of male eagle leave the nest daily in a search for a sprig or branch of greenery. Realising that some raptors nest in barren desert areas, this may entail long flights to locate a suitable bush or tree. Once found the male eagle selects a sprig of greenery (new life) and flies back to the nest to present his mate with his 'gift of love.' Experts disagree as to what place this sprig plays in the life of the eagle.Some believe it's to decorate the nest, others say it's a sign of new life, while others suggest it's a sign of affection for the mate. I agree with the last, I believe it's a token of love. In fact, I believe the eagle uses the sprig of greenery to keep the romance alive in its marriage. Perhaps knowing they are mated for life encourages the birds to make every attempt to build a strong happy relationship. Certainly they go to great pains to strengthen the bond between them, in fact eagles develop such a close affinity that the female is often aware of the approaching male long before he is visible to her. Then, anticipating his arrival, she may rise to meet him in the air. A kindred spirit develops between the couple, far stronger than physical ties.

A Gift For Your Mate

So my question to you is this. When's the last time you did something to show your faithfulness, to strengthen your love bonds? Again we can learn a lesson from the eagle. As the couple perform their regular courtship flights, so too should couples make every attempt to have time alone. I believe husbands and wives should 'honeymoon' alone at every opportunity, at least every couple of months but preferably once a month. Even if they can spend time alone for a few hours, or better still a day. Marriage must be worked at to succeed. Eagles spend much of their time soaring together, neither seem to ever take the other for granted - a lesson these remarkable birds could teach us humans. Many males think it’s simply not 'macho' to show any sign of public affection, even if it’s just bringing flowers or a present. “That’s for the birds”, they say. And that’s exactly right - it's for the eagle - king of birds! During the nesting season eagles go through a daily courtship display and yet one would hardly refer to the male eagle as a 'sissy' bird. There are few creatures who would dare challenge an aroused eagle in combat, yet this king of the sky brings its mate fresh 'flowers' to the nest every day. If it's good enough for an eagle, it should be good enough for us!

So, when was the last time you surprised your mate with a gift of your love? Take a lesson from the eagle - marriage is not a 50-50 contract, it's 100% giving from each partner to the other and if necessary, sometimes 110%. Jesus tells us: "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my command-ment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:11-13). So is your joy full? Do you lay down your life for your mate? The eagle will, if necessary, give its life in the defence of its mate or family. I have observed this first hand, as well as reading numbers of stories about how eagles have sacrificed themselves to protect each other. They are wonderful role models for us today. The eagle’s first concern is for its family and not itself. We may never be called to lay down our lives in actual death but we can give our lives daily for one another. We can learn to place the welfare of our spouse or family above our own selfish interests and desires. True love is totally unselfish. Love puts the well being of the other partner above self. Be a doer of the word in your relationships and you can avoid many of the pitfalls that have befallen others. Whatever way the family goes - so goes our nation!

Christians should enjoy a marriage relationship that's a witness to the world. Many of us can’t be preachers, teachers or evangelists, but one of the most powerful ways we can be a witness to our Lord Jesus Christ is through our marriages. Truly, the Christian couple who make the decision to live a life of faithfulness as 'Eagle Christians' will be a beautiful and loving example of just how our Heavenly Father meant us to live. Each thinking of the other first, striving to make the other's life a little easier and a little happier. Sharing the good with the bad, the irksome with the joyous, the problems with the excitement. Such a couple stand out in this world full of selfishness just as the courting eagles stand out against the back drop of the sky. Their love songs echoing out across the wilderness, as they virtually 'dance across the sky' in their 'waltz on wings'. Such a couple's presence is welcome and a joy to behold as they boldly live the life they're called to live.

We have just celebrated our 50 wedding anniversary with a small group of friends and family. If you are interested in taking a look the Youtube link is in the Subject box

Blessings

Col and Jan Stringer

Love, Friendship & All That Other Stuff

I used to really hate mowing my yard. Now I still don't really like mowing, but I do enjoy the time it takes to get it done, because I use that time to either talk to God or listen to music and become inspired in my thinking. Yesterday I chose to listen to music, and found myself dancing and singing to DC Talk while taking the grass down a notch.

I really enjoy listening to music in this way, because mowing is such a mind numbing experience right up there with watching the grass grow, and it allows me to not only sing, but to think about the lyrics and what the artist is really trying to say. Being a writer, I also enjoy trying to determine what their mindset was while they were creating. This being a fact because usually when I write, it has come from something going on in my life at the time.

Anyway, the song "Godsend" came on, and as I was singing along I began to think about my bride and the 23 years that we've been together as a couple and all that has happened throughout the years. In case you've never heard the song, or it's been a while, click the link and it will take you to YouTube where you can listen to it.

Let's face it, I am a hopeless romantic at heart. There is something deep within my heart that makes me want to do things for my bride to make her life better. And, I actually do see her as my Godsend, she was made specifically for me by my Father, and I was made for her. (That's something that might scare her at times, but it is true.) God made us for each other, and I can think of no better gift I've ever been given except for the gift of salvation.

In the Garden of Eden, Adam was doing the job God has set before him, and spending time with God the Father on a daily basis, and yet it was God who ultimately said, "It is not good for man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18) Man was doing what God wanted him to do, and was in daily communion with God, and that wasn't good enough? Makes me think about men who are workaholics and never take time for their wife. God is the one who said that wasn't good, we should probably listen to Him on this one huh?

What I find interesting in the thinking of God is that He realizes that it is not good for man to be alone, then He puts Adam to sleep and taking a rib from him handcrafts Eve. The Father fashions a woman from man, like a work of art in the hands of the artist he creates her. Then there is the time when God wakes Adam and presents his bride to him. Can you imagine what was going through Adam's mind at the time when he first saw Eve? Vavavavoom!

I know that it embarrasses my bride when I fuss over how beautiful she is to me. It's almost as if she thinks that I am lying to her, am just going on for no real reason, or trying to get something from her . But I have a reason, and that is she is my Godsend, she was made specifically for me and I do love her, more than I think she will ever know.

The enemy of all creation has so attacked women at the core of who they are, that a lot of times they don't realize the beauty that they have. There is an outward beauty that God gave women through creation, and that is nice I won't lie about that, but I'm not talking just about Cheryl's outward beauty, but the beauty that she holds inside. It is Cheryl, the real her, the speaking spirit that I fell in love with. It is this person who is my best friend. That is who God made for me, and me for her.

Who we are on the outside changes with age, there is no denying that. And while I'm still physically attracted to my bride, what makes me truly love her, and always has, is what is on the inside. It is "who" she is, not what she is that makes me want to spend time with her. When I think about all of our years together, what I remember with fondness are the times we spent just being together, whether we were working in the yard, laughing with friends or just spending a quiet evening home together watching a favorite television show.

My heart is taken captive each and every time we are together. Truly, when I look into her eyes, it is like seeing her again for the first time. My heart really does skip a beat when I see her, and while I'm pretty sure I don't always do a good job of showing it to her, I love her more and more each and every day that we spend together. It is my desire that we will grow old together, and like the couple in this video, we will have fun together no matter how old we get.

So listen men, even if you aren't much of a romantic, make time for your bride, and live in such a way that that she knows you love her. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

Twenty-three Years

Coming up in ten days, (August 27th) my bride and I will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. It seems like it was such a long time ago that we started this journey, and as with all journeys you rarely ever know where you will end up when you get started, but finding out is half the fun.

Our journey started where I feel all of them should start, and that is in the local church. When I met Cheryl, I had been born again for about a year. She on the other hand was a Christian all of her life. We could not have come from any more different backgrounds. She was a self-sufficient, able to handle herself girl and I was a boy who had no clue about anything. The one thing I did know, was that God had placed her in my life, and I was so very thankful to Him for doing that. She took my breath away the day that I met her, and she has been doing that ever since. (Something that at times makes my children gag.)

As the years have passed, we have certainly been through good times and bad. We have not been immune to the challenges of life, truthfully, no one makes it through life without some scars to show for it. The thing that makes the difference I think, is the willingness to face those times together, head on and to stay with each in the midst of it. A lot of times when things get rough in a marriage, instead of couples binding together and facing them head on, they end up attacking one another instead.

Life is like a sailing ship on the ocean. The husband and wife are both

very important to the ship in order to get where they need to go, but when a storm arises and the ship gets tossed, instead of facing the storm head on, and battling through it together, they end up yelling at one another, each blaming the other for the problem. They are so busy placing blame that a lot of the time, the storm defeats them, not because the storm was necessarily so bad, but because of their unwillingness to face the challenge together.

My bride and I have had the opportunity to lash out at one another in the past twenty-three years, of course. But what we've chosen to do instead is to stay unified even if we didn't always agree with one another. Remember, Scripture states that we are co-heirs together (1 Peter 3:7) and men, if we want our prayers answered, then we have to treat our brides as an equal partner, and not a servant.

Cheryl and I attended our niece Cassidy's wedding this summer, and while we were there I reflected on the day that Cheryl and I got married, and what a journey it has been. Who would have ever thought all those many years ago that I would be where I am today, because of meeting and marrying this beautiful lady? I know that God has had a lot to do with that, but I also realize that Scripture also states, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord."

Well, I can honestly say that I have found a treasure in my bride, she constantly amazes me with the way that she carries herself in her daily walk with the Lord and in the challenges that life throws at us. She is truly amazing to me, and has made me a much better man, who realizes that any favor that I have from the Lord is due to her being my wife. Happy Anniversary baby, you're the greatest!

I Am One Lucky Man

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This was published by Elizabeth Barrett Browning in 1850, and is most often attributed to William Shakespeare. It is an interesting poem, one which I only remember the opening line. But it is that opening line that I want to expound on today. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How do I love my bride Cheryl? And is it actually possible to really count the ways? I would venture to say only if I have an entire day or more to do so.

I've known many men in my forty-seven years that either say nothing about their brides, or they say too much. Griping, making jokes or belittling them in front of others, all the while wondering why their relationship with their wife isn't all it could be. Many years ago, I decided that there were things about Cheryl that I wanted to see change. (Okay we'd only been married a little while, and we all do it, so don't give me crap about it.)

Anyway, I began to look up Scriptures in the Bible about what God said a wife should be. I wrote those things down, and began to confess them daily about my bride. The funny thing is, that in about a month's time she never did change, but the way that I saw her did. Those things that I was saying about her to try and change her, actually wound up changing the way I was thinking about her, and then she was those things to me. God's Word is amazing that way.

I have been married to this girl for almost twenty-three years now, and we have been through our share of good times and bad, mostly good I'm thankful to say. There has never been a dull moment, as we have grown together as a couple, and I am truly one lucky man. You know the statement that "He sure did marry up." is very true in my instance, I married way beyond me. But the coolest thing I think is that God brought the two of us together, and He has walked with us and helped us to see the best in each other, and to help us correct those things that aren't the best.

In the words of Jack Nicholson's character in the movie "As Good As It Gets", Cheryl makes me want to be a better man. Here's the clip:

And Another One Bites The Dust

Well it has happened again. Another public figure has fallen due to a sexual misconduct scandal. Oregon's seven term Democratic Congressional Representative David Wu has said that he will resign from office because of allegations that he had unwanted sexual contact with a teenage girl.

This guy is fifty-six years old. What was he thinking? Back in Oregon, the pressure has been on him to resign following reports of his erratic behavior. Prior to today's announcement, he tried to deflect such pressure by stressing that he was under going mental health treatment. Why can't men just take the blame and quit trying to pass the buck and blame shift. This is one of the main problems in Washington, men without backbone. Oh, there are a few of them there, but not enough.

My take on this and every other instance we find men in power caught in these types of scandals is that when you have had a taste of power, it sometimes goes to your head and you think that you are invincible. I mean why else would you have a sexual encounter with the daughter of one of your long time friends and donors to your campaigns? What other explanation is there?

The saddest part of this is that Wu has a family that now is being drug through the mud alongside him. Had he only kept his integrity and acted like any responsible adult male should, he would not find himself in this position. I mean come on a fifty-six year old with an eighteen year old, he's old enough to be her grandfather.

Men, we are commanded to love our wives in Scripture using Jesus as our example. He loved us so much that He went to the cross and died for us. That is how we should love our wives, enough that we can give up our little desires to see that her needs are met. God did not call us to a life of selfishness, and whining, "But what about me?" What about you? You are there to meet her needs, relying on God to make sure that your needs are met.

Let's love our wives the right way, and change this world, one relationship at a time!

This Thing Called Marriage

I went on a date with my bride tonight. It's not something that we get to do very often, although there have been more opportunities here lately, now that our kids are teenagers and away from the house more. I've been tempted to tell them to call before coming home, but I'm sure that would just gross them out.

I was thinking about our marriage vows as I drove home from the movie tonight,

you know like this; I, ____take you____ to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. That kind of thing. I was thinking that when I said this to Cheryl almost twenty-three years ago, I never thought about where we would be twenty-three years later.

Now before I say something stupid, let me explain myself. Marriage as my good friend Joe McGee says is hard. And anybody who tries to tell you different is lying to you. This is not to say that marriage is not good, not at all, but marriage is what you make of it. Good or bad for the most part it is what we do with it that makes it either good or bad. And yes I understand that there are exceptions to this, but I'm talking about the majority of marriages.

As Joe says, "You don't find a good marriage you make one." And a truer statement has never been made. I think however because we've seen so much on television and in movies that sometimes we have kind of a mixed up way of looking at what marriage should be like. Relationships are messy, and I think that God kind of made them that way. What I mean by that, is that it is in the messiness of life that we actually learn to grow together.

My bride Cheryl and I will celebrate twenty-three years of marriage in a little over a month, and I can honestly say that I know her better now than I did when we were first married. She would tell you that she knows me better now than when we first married, even though it probably only took a few months to figure me out. But as I was sitting in the theater tonight talking with her before the previews started, (You should never talk during the previews, that's part of the movie experience!) I once again realized what it was that attracted me to this girl in the first place.

I've said it in other blogs before, but I believe that it bears repeating here. It is the little foxes that spoil the vine, as Solomon said in Song of Songs. In other words, it is the little things in life that cause the problems. It is not the big major things usually, because in those times we usually band together and rally to the fight. No, it is those little mundane things; not taking out the trash, badgering your husband to fix something or just talking ugly to each other out of laziness. It is these things that erode your marriage from the inside out.

Well, if the little things can hurt your marriage, then it stands to reason that doing the little things can help your marriage. Saying thank you to your spouse when they do something around the house, instead of saying, "Well you live here too, you ought to be doing some of the work around here!" The devil wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage, and he does it through the little things.

Marriage should be a shining example of what love really is, the giving of one's self to another completely without thought of gain. When we begin to have thoughts about our needs not being met, and how we are the ones who it seems is always giving, then look out! That is the devil trying to get in and cause a little trouble.

Love never deals in absolutes, only selfishness does. If you are find yourself in a situation where you are beginning to think things that are more selfish in nature, stop those thoughts right there. As the Bible says, we are to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Make your thoughts line up with the Word of God concerning your marriage, don't let them control you. It can be difficult, but then we were told to fight the good fight of faith, not to cower in the face of the fight.

There have been millions who have been married and gone on before us, and there will be millions who follow after us when it comes to being married. Let's look at those good examples, and lay down our lives for those around us to see. The dividends will be huge if we'll work at it, and will be so worth it in the end!

Love well, and love long in Jesus Name!

It's The Little Things

If you been in a church for any length of time you have probably heard the phrase, "it's the little foxes that spoil the vine..." I was thinking about this phrase one day and decided to look it up in the Bible. I found it in Song of Solomon 2:14 - 16 which says, "O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies."

What the Lord showed me while I was looking at this phrase, is just as it is the little things (The little foxes.) that can wear down your marriage and bring it to ruin, it is the little things that we do right in our marriage that build it up. You know, it's not really the big things in my marriage to Cheryl that ever trip us up. Usually because the big things are so noticeable, that we immediately fix them. It's those little things, the laundry not in the hamper, the trash not taken out or a kind word not given even when it is deserved that usually make us stumble.

I know you've been there, you do something you think your wife will appreciate, and she either doesn't notice at all, or critiques the job you did. Or she thinks to make your favorite dinner, you enjoy it but forget to thank her for the effort. We all do these things, even though we usually are not trying to hurt our spouse in the process. We truly just didn't think about it, because it is a "little thing".

I think that one of the greatest things I ever do for my bride is to say, "Thank you." That simple little phrase conveys a great deal, and can show that I've noticed unlike anything else will. We need to appreciate our spouse, and let them know it. You know I find it funny that on the day that Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan river, God Himself spoke that He was well pleased with Jesus. I think that if God felt the need to affirm Jesus, then how much more should we affirm those around us too?

Just remember, it is the little things that will mess up your marriage, and it is the little things that will make your marriage great! Keep at it kids, marriage may be hard at times, but it is still the best life that I know of. God bless you as you take care of those little things.

Being Smitten, Being In Deep Smit

Have you ever been head over heels in love with your spouse? Have you ever wished that they had never been born? Okay, maybe that's a little too harsh, but have you wanted to slap them upside their head? I know that in my marriage there have been plenty of opportunities for Cheryl and I to feel that way.

Marriage isn't an institution of unending bliss, no matter what you see on television and movies. Anytime you put two people into an enclosed space for any amount of time there will be friction. But not always, sometimes there are those moments where you believe you might actually be growing together in a good way too.

"Marriage is two ignorant people growing up together." (Joe McGee) I really believe that God kind of tricks us into getting married too. He makes women to be so attractive to the man's eyes, that he will actually do anything to have her. I remember years ago, I would sleep until the last possible moment then get up and race to work. Then I met Cheryl, and was I ever smitten. I was in deep smit (So I Married An Axe Murderer).

I went from waiting until the last possible moment to waking up, getting ready for work and meeting her at her convenience store at 6:00 a.m. (Every day.) I would do anything or go anywhere to get to spend any amount of time with her. I say that God tricks us because if we actually knew what marriage was going to involve, we'd never do it.

Marriage is hard, and anyone who says otherwise is lying. Now don't get me wrong, marriage is great too, but it does take hard work to make it that way. I can honestly say that I grow more in love with my bride each and every day, even if she does something to rub me the wrong way. (Which doesn't happen very often any more.) But it is a choice to love her each and every time.

How about you in your marriage? Are you smitten with your spouse, or do you tend to see more of the negative traits than the positive ones? Do this exercise real quick, write down all of the things that they do that irritates you and on a separate piece of paper write down all of the things that they do that you like.

Then wad up that paper with your "dislikes" on it and throw it away. Tell the Lord that you are throwing that out, and you won't remember it any longer. Now, fold up your "likes" page and put it in your wallet or your purse and every time your spouse does something to irritate you, take that sheet out and remind yourself of those things that you like about them.

Come on folks, we're in the last days, and the enemy of our souls (The devil.) has got his imps working hard to destroy marriages, because he knows that if two get together against him, he doesn't stand a chance. Work at your marriage, go ahead get smitten, get in deep smit!

How Does She Know?

One of the things that I like about this new blog on marriage is that it lets my sentimental and romantic side out a little bit more often. I am truly a romantic at heart, even if my gruff exterior sometimes hides that fact. I read years ago in a book about knights, that one of the characteristics of them was that they knew how to truly love well. I don't think you can really love someone well unless there is a little bit of a romantic on the inside of you. Most men do have it, they just choose to not show it very often.

I saw the movie "Enchanted" a few years back, and it may actually be one of my all time favorite Disney movies. It has a great story, and one of the best songs ever written. What I really love about this part of the movie is that you see one of the things that Disney has been great at in every fairy tale cartoon they have ever made, and that is the large musical number including a huge cast of characters singing and dancing.

In the video I've posted on here, you will see that with real people for a change. It brings a smile to my heart every time I see it. It helps me to remember to show Cheryl my bride how much I love her. There is a line in the song that I think really says it all, "You got to show her you need her, not treat her like a mind reader." And that unfortunately is what we men tend to do.

So enjoy my favorite Disney video from the movie "Enchanted", and guys don't forget to tell her how much she means to you. Live well, and love large!

The Marriage Triangle

One of the most important aspects of marriage I think is about how the two becoming one. This is called a mystery, but I don't really think it is all that mysterious actually.

When a man and woman get married, they leave behind the family they were born into, and become a new family unit. Of course, this doesn't mean that they no longer have anything to do with their families, it just means that now the two individuals have become one.

Years ago, a very wise man told Cheryl and I to make sure that we each chased after God, and in doing so we would grow closer. It's like the diagram above, as the husband and wife each reach out towards God, the closer they get to Him, the closer they get to each other. God needs to be the central guiding figure in a marriage, after all He created it. So it would only stand to reason that if we are going to have a successful marriage, then we should look to Him to help us fulfill that.

So what does growing closer to God and in turn growing closer to each other look like? How do you walk that out? For me, it is making sure that you are following and becoming a disciple of the Lord Jesus daily. It's praying for your spouse, when they are around and even when they're not. It's putting them and their needs before yourself, you know, that agape-type love, the selfless love that looks out for the needs of others instead of its own needs. It's knowing when to talk, when to listen, when to hug and when to steer clear. It's about knowing your spouse and what makes them tick, not ticked off. (Thanks Joe McGee for that reminder.)

Marriage is not rocket science, it is really pretty simple if you'll let it be. The only time that it has ever become difficult for me, is when I'm not walking in the love of Christ towards my bride like I should be. And I know you've probably never done that, but in case you know anyone who has, be sure and help them alright?

The world that we are living in today is seeing marriages fail right and left. The enemy (The devil.) knows that if he can destroy the family he can hurt God. Don't let this happen to yours marriage. Fight for it, growing closer to God and in the process growing closer to each other too.

Love well, and you'll live well. Shalom!

What Are You Laughing At?

Have you ever noticed those people who make jokes at their spouse's expense? You know, the one that seems to bring up qualities or the little quirks that perhaps embarrass their marriage partner. Only to end with, "But honey, I was only joking."

One of the most important lessons that I think I've learned about being married is that there are certain things that I just don't discuss about my bride with anyone. At least not unless we've talked about it first. There have been times where we led some classes at church, and we decided on what we would talk about and what we wouldn't.

I remember one time, way back in the day when we would go to kid's camp for a few days with our church's children church. We had a couple of ladies in one of the classrooms checking everyone out for head lice, and Cheryl was sitting there getting her hair checked out, when I popped off about something about our private lives. Of course I did it just to be funny, but I completely didn't take into consideration her feelings nor did I think about it before I said what I said. I just thought this could be funny and I opened my mouth and totally embarrassed my bride.

On the ride to kid's camp I kept thinking about what I had said, and the look on her face. I felt horrible, and really wished I could have gone and taken all of that back. But, there is no time machine for making amends. Instead, I called her as we were driving (We both had driven our vehicles.) and asked her to forgive me. I truly was sorry for what I had done, and wanted to make it right before we got to camp.

I've remembered that for years now, and I'm pretty sure that I will never forget it. I now stop and think before speaking, and that image of the hurt on Cheryl's face has kept me from saying things many times. (Yay! I'm growing.) I'm sure that none of us really wants to do anything to hurt our spouse's feelings, yet it can happen if we don't watch what we're doing. Let's love our spouse and work really hard to keep from saying anything to hurt or embarrass them.

Waiting On A Woman

I love this song.

In The Beginning...

All of us who are married had an "In the beginning" moment in our lives. Mine happened almost twenty-three years ago in the town of Muskogee, Oklahoma. Now I must confess that since I was about fifteen I had a driving desire to marry and share my life with a special woman. I can remember watching my parents together and thinking, "Man, I want that!" Of course I did the "dating" thing yet there never seemed to be that one moment in my heart where I felt I had found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I remember going to a Carmen concert in Tulsa, Oklahoma with my church. The girl I was dating at the time and I had purchased tickets for a couple of teenagers, and had driven them to Tulsa with a whole group from our church. As we all made our way to our seats and got ready for the show to start, I looked down the row behind me to the seat at the opposite end of that row, and there I saw her. My heart was smitten, I thought who is that girl? I have got to meet her.

The concert was great, there was a huge move of God during it and then we all went back to the church to drop off the teens. It was there in the church parking lot that I saw her once again. She was actually standing by my car window and I was completely taken back by how beautiful she was, and vowed to myself that I would get to know this girl.

A few weeks later while I was at work, she came into my dad's shoe store to purchase some shoes. I could hardly speak, I was excited to see her again. I helped her pick out a pair of Dexter hand-stitched shoes, and then for the rest of the day I was floating on a cloud. I could not believe how beautiful this woman was, she literally took my breath away. (Something she still continues to do to this day as well.)

I don't know how long it was, maybe a week possibly two and she came back into the shoe store with the shoes I had sold her. I actually thought she was coming back in to see me, until she showed me one of her shoes and told me that it was coming apart. I quickly fixed the problem for her, and she left. It wasn't until later that we began to talk at church a little bit more, and after a fellowship dinner I was asked if I could help her drive a vehicle back to her brother's house in Vian, Oklahoma. I quickly agreed and off we went.

That night after returning to where I had parked my car, we sat and talked for hours and hours about what we wanted out of life, and where we thought God was taking us. A dear friend named Leslie lived in the apartment complex where I had parked my car and told us later that she had watched us through the blinds to see what we were doing. I don't remember if I kissed her that night or not, but I was hooked and that was the night that I knew I would share my life with this girl. I often told people after that night that I was going to marry Cheryl, but not to say anything to her about it, because we hadn't talked about that yet.

The rest is history as they say, God has done a mighty powerful work in mine and Cheryl's lives these past twenty plus years. I can honestly say that she is my best friend, and someone that I am so thankful I get to spend my life with. Without her by my side, I would just be another doofus male trying to get by. Here's to "In the beginnings...."

Two Becoming One

Tonight I decided that I needed to add an additional blog to my repertoire. And that for this one, I wanted to focus specifically on marriage.

Marriage is the best thing that has happened to me on this planet. That is not to say that it has always been easy, because it hasn't. But it is still hands down the best thing that I've ever been a part of.

The Bible talks about how a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Marriage was in the heart of God from the very beginning when he said that it wasn't good for man to be alone. I know that we've all heard jokes about marriage and how typically the world views marriage as old fashioned and all that, but I"m here to tell you that it is a very good thing, and that when it is working the way that God intends it to, then you can experience a powerful relationship that will prove to be extremely rewarding for the both of you.

My good friend Joe McGee puts it this way: "You don't find a good marriage, you build one. And the marriages that have been put to the test and lasted are the ones where both parties work diligently at them. Anything that you have that is worth something has had much effort and time invested in it. And if we think that our marriages will be good just because we wish them to be, then we are fooling ourselves.

So come with me on this journey of discovering the greatness that you can have in your marriage, if you are willing to work for it. I guess the question is then, are you willing to put in the extra time and effort to make your marriage the best that it can be?