It's The Little Things

If you been in a church for any length of time you have probably heard the phrase, "it's the little foxes that spoil the vine..." I was thinking about this phrase one day and decided to look it up in the Bible. I found it in Song of Solomon 2:14 - 16 which says, "O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies."

What the Lord showed me while I was looking at this phrase, is just as it is the little things (The little foxes.) that can wear down your marriage and bring it to ruin, it is the little things that we do right in our marriage that build it up. You know, it's not really the big things in my marriage to Cheryl that ever trip us up. Usually because the big things are so noticeable, that we immediately fix them. It's those little things, the laundry not in the hamper, the trash not taken out or a kind word not given even when it is deserved that usually make us stumble.

I know you've been there, you do something you think your wife will appreciate, and she either doesn't notice at all, or critiques the job you did. Or she thinks to make your favorite dinner, you enjoy it but forget to thank her for the effort. We all do these things, even though we usually are not trying to hurt our spouse in the process. We truly just didn't think about it, because it is a "little thing".

I think that one of the greatest things I ever do for my bride is to say, "Thank you." That simple little phrase conveys a great deal, and can show that I've noticed unlike anything else will. We need to appreciate our spouse, and let them know it. You know I find it funny that on the day that Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan river, God Himself spoke that He was well pleased with Jesus. I think that if God felt the need to affirm Jesus, then how much more should we affirm those around us too?

Just remember, it is the little things that will mess up your marriage, and it is the little things that will make your marriage great! Keep at it kids, marriage may be hard at times, but it is still the best life that I know of. God bless you as you take care of those little things.

Being Smitten, Being In Deep Smit

Have you ever been head over heels in love with your spouse? Have you ever wished that they had never been born? Okay, maybe that's a little too harsh, but have you wanted to slap them upside their head? I know that in my marriage there have been plenty of opportunities for Cheryl and I to feel that way.

Marriage isn't an institution of unending bliss, no matter what you see on television and movies. Anytime you put two people into an enclosed space for any amount of time there will be friction. But not always, sometimes there are those moments where you believe you might actually be growing together in a good way too.

"Marriage is two ignorant people growing up together." (Joe McGee) I really believe that God kind of tricks us into getting married too. He makes women to be so attractive to the man's eyes, that he will actually do anything to have her. I remember years ago, I would sleep until the last possible moment then get up and race to work. Then I met Cheryl, and was I ever smitten. I was in deep smit (So I Married An Axe Murderer).

I went from waiting until the last possible moment to waking up, getting ready for work and meeting her at her convenience store at 6:00 a.m. (Every day.) I would do anything or go anywhere to get to spend any amount of time with her. I say that God tricks us because if we actually knew what marriage was going to involve, we'd never do it.

Marriage is hard, and anyone who says otherwise is lying. Now don't get me wrong, marriage is great too, but it does take hard work to make it that way. I can honestly say that I grow more in love with my bride each and every day, even if she does something to rub me the wrong way. (Which doesn't happen very often any more.) But it is a choice to love her each and every time.

How about you in your marriage? Are you smitten with your spouse, or do you tend to see more of the negative traits than the positive ones? Do this exercise real quick, write down all of the things that they do that irritates you and on a separate piece of paper write down all of the things that they do that you like.

Then wad up that paper with your "dislikes" on it and throw it away. Tell the Lord that you are throwing that out, and you won't remember it any longer. Now, fold up your "likes" page and put it in your wallet or your purse and every time your spouse does something to irritate you, take that sheet out and remind yourself of those things that you like about them.

Come on folks, we're in the last days, and the enemy of our souls (The devil.) has got his imps working hard to destroy marriages, because he knows that if two get together against him, he doesn't stand a chance. Work at your marriage, go ahead get smitten, get in deep smit!

What Are You Laughing At?

Have you ever noticed those people who make jokes at their spouse's expense? You know, the one that seems to bring up qualities or the little quirks that perhaps embarrass their marriage partner. Only to end with, "But honey, I was only joking."

One of the most important lessons that I think I've learned about being married is that there are certain things that I just don't discuss about my bride with anyone. At least not unless we've talked about it first. There have been times where we led some classes at church, and we decided on what we would talk about and what we wouldn't.

I remember one time, way back in the day when we would go to kid's camp for a few days with our church's children church. We had a couple of ladies in one of the classrooms checking everyone out for head lice, and Cheryl was sitting there getting her hair checked out, when I popped off about something about our private lives. Of course I did it just to be funny, but I completely didn't take into consideration her feelings nor did I think about it before I said what I said. I just thought this could be funny and I opened my mouth and totally embarrassed my bride.

On the ride to kid's camp I kept thinking about what I had said, and the look on her face. I felt horrible, and really wished I could have gone and taken all of that back. But, there is no time machine for making amends. Instead, I called her as we were driving (We both had driven our vehicles.) and asked her to forgive me. I truly was sorry for what I had done, and wanted to make it right before we got to camp.

I've remembered that for years now, and I'm pretty sure that I will never forget it. I now stop and think before speaking, and that image of the hurt on Cheryl's face has kept me from saying things many times. (Yay! I'm growing.) I'm sure that none of us really wants to do anything to hurt our spouse's feelings, yet it can happen if we don't watch what we're doing. Let's love our spouse and work really hard to keep from saying anything to hurt or embarrass them.