What Idiot Said Beauty Is Only Skin Deep?

I know, I know this phrase actually speaks to how placing too much emphasis on beauty is really superficial and everything, but I was thinking about this today in the context of marriage and I had to think that beauty, the true beauty of a person runs way deeper than skin level. 


It actually runs to the deep places in the heart of a person.  Now before you go putting words into my mouth like he's saying that his bride is not beautiful or something like that, that is not where I'm going at all, so put that thought out of your mind completely.  My bride is the most beautiful woman that I have ever known, or ever will know and truthfully I think that she grows more beautiful with each passing year.


There is another saying which says that love is blind, and I actually heard a version of that in the third Star Wars movie I watched today, (Actually it is the sixth installment of the series but episode three...I know confusing huh?) here is the transcript from the movie where Anakin and Padme are talking about being in love:


ANAKIN: You are so beautiful!

PADME: It's only because I'm so in love . . .

ANAKIN: No, it's because I'm so in love with you.

PADME: So love has blinded you?

ANAKIN: Well, that's not exactly what I meant . . . 


Love does not truly blind, but actually it is as we come to know our spouse in the deeper sense of the meaning that we come to truly love them, the real them.   This coming August my bride and I will have been married for twenty-four years.  I have spent now almost half of my life with this girl who chose me, and even though we've had our ups and downs, I am still madly and passionately in love with her.  I know I may end up regretting this but here goes, I do not look the same way that I did twenty-four years ago, and neither does Cheryl.  


There have been changes in our appearances, some more drastic than others, and that is all I'm going to say about that.  But what I really want to get at, is that even though there are changes that have taken place in our physical looks, I have to say that Cheryl's beauty, her true beauty is the real her, and that is her spirit.  Her beauty is more than skin deep, it is at the level of her soul, who she is as the person that God made her to be.  This is not to say that I don't find her outer beauty pleasing to my eyes, because I do, ask her, I tell her all the time, and I really mean it. She of course will roll her eyes at me, but she's been doing that for twenty-four years now why should she change?  


There is a movie called Shallow Hal, and in it the main character is given a gift to actually be able to see the true beauty of each girl he meets.  It's a funny movie, but truly poignant when the viewers realize that most of the people that we think of as the "beauties" which the world desires are truly the ugly people, and the people who never get a second look are the real beauties.  If only we were able to have this ability, the world would be such a different place I think.


Our society spends so much time on what is considered beautiful and everything, yet I'm afraid that we've actually missed it.  So many young ladies spend their lives trying to live up to what the world says they should look like, and never truly get it.  They walk around feeling like failures or unwanted because they don't match up to the images in the media and go through life trying desperately to please, only to find out that after all their efforts their beauty (the outside beauty) will begin to fade with time.  


I think that during every marriage counseling session the young "in love" couple should be shown wedding pictures of couples and then shown follow up pictures from like twenty-five years later.  Of course this may scare the young people, but may save some trouble later on too.  I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a beautiful bride who is so both inside and out, and look forward to many more years together to discover the beauty that has yet to be unveiled in her.

You Must Be Alert To Keep The Enemy At Bay

1 Peter 5:8 "Be alert, be reflective, because your enemy, satan, roars like a lion and is walking and seeking whom he may devour." I have quite a bit to say about this, but really want to focus my thoughts tonight on marriage in particular. There is an all out assault on marriages now more than I have ever seen in my almost fifty years on this planet. It seems that marriages are crashing and burning all around us. And if we are not cautious, ours too can come crashing down.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating here. Marriage is hard. Now before you write me off, and say this guy's an idiot, I didn't say marriage was bad, I said it was hard, and there is a huge difference between the two. The professional athlete will tell you that getting into the shape they are in, and playing at the level they play at takes hard work, but is so worth it. Take the concert pianist too, they don't get that way because they just decided to play one day, they practice many, many hours each and every day to play at that level.

Marriage is just like that too. For you to have a great marriage, you've got to be willing to work at it, and give whatever it takes to make it great. Unfortunately so many couples base their relationship on the feelings that come along, and that can be so dangerous. One thing that I have learned is that I may be feeling down one minute and on top of the world the next. Feelings are always subject to change, that is a given so we need to remember that when reflecting on our marriage.

Take a look at the Scripture again, especially the part about "seeking whom he MAY devour". It doesn't say seeking whom he is going to devour". This tells me that I have a part to play in whether or not I'm devoured by the enemy. It simply means that I get to have a say in whether or not the enemy can do anything in my life and marriage. And that friends is very good news. Good news that the devil doesn't want you to know, because once you know it, then he has lost the battle before it ever began. Praise God!

Every marriage has it's challenges. You cannot put two people who are completely different into the same house and expect that they will see eye to eye on everything. Yet that is what we do isn't? We expect that our spouse should just totally agree with everything we think and do, yet we don't agree with them on everything either. Talk about hypocrisy. We have to look at our marriage (a lot too) and see just how it is doing. You have to take stock of where you and your spouse are at, and make corrections when necessary. And believe me it is necessary.

One of the things that I ask myself alot is, "Why did I fall in love with Cheryl?" I work hard to remind myself why I chose this girl, and what it was that attracted me to her in the first place. I will say that I loved the way she looked back when we were dating, (and I still do) but there is something deeper than looks that drew me to her. It was the real Cheryl, her spirit that lives inside her body. The real person who has a way of looking at life, and the way she treats people, all people regardless of their social status, has always amazed me, and it continues to do so even twenty-four years since we first met.

Why don't you do that now? Sit down with a piece of paper and write down all of the things that drew you to your spouse. Remind yourself of those things, and then tell them what you found. That is a great way to resist the devil and keep him from devouring you and your marriage. So there's that...strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

Do You Give To Make Your Spouse Better?

I've got a few minutes this morning before having to get ready for work, and seeing that Valentine's Day was yesterday, and I felt a little less than adequate in showing the world my love for my bride, I thought I'd write something.

Scripture says that God said that it is not good for man to be alone. Amen to that! I am so thankful to Him for my bride of almost 24 years. I was a bachelor for many years prior to meeting Cheryl and marrying her, and I've got to say that while there were times that I enjoyed being on my own, none of those times compare to the sensation of spending my life with her.

The world tells us that marriage is hard, and only the lucky ones make it. To quote Bill and Ted, that is bogus! Marriage can be hard, but that's only if you choose to make it so. The lucky ones are those who actually work on their marriage, that ask the tough questions, and the one where each couple puts aside their own desires to try and fulfill the desires of their spouse. I can honestly say that I do a lot of things that I really don't want to do, and so does Cheryl, but we do them because we love each other and want to give ourselves to each other.

"Forsaking all others." is how the wedding vows go, and I think most of the time when that is said people think about how each of the partners is to stay sexually and emotionally pure and away from other people besides their spouse. That is true, but I think forsaking all others, means also to stay away from anything that would take away from the relationship with each other.

We should forsake anything that will hinder the relationship with our spouse. If we are going to love each other in the sacrificial way that God intended for us to do, then we must put our desires aside for the betterment of our spouse. Now this is not to say that you should never have fun, and a good spouse will understand your need for time apart or doing the things that you enjoy. After all absence does make the heart grow fonder. It's just that we shouldn't desire those other things more than our spouse.

I know that I have been talking in the general sense about marriage and there are some relationships that will find this hard, mainly because one or both of the partners are not making the choices to live for the other, they are mainly living for themselves. But if you want the best marriage that you can have, try to out give your spouse in the area of seeing that things go well for them. I believe in the law of seed time and harvest, if you plant seeds, you will reap a harvest in due season, if you faint not. That means that you have to stick it out.

I am married to the most wonderful woman I have ever known, and I love doing things for her. She may not always understand me, and I know that I don't always understand her, but we continue to muddle our way through this relationship and it has gotten better and better the longer we are together. Take a minute and look your spouse in the eyes and tell them how fortunate you are to have them in your life. You'll be glad you did.

Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

If She Is Trapped In A Tower, What Will You Do?

In most of the fairy tales you will find that the beautiful young maiden is typically captured and placed under lock and key in some sort of prison by an ugly scag that hates her for her beauty. This is not too far off from what we would see if we could look into the spirit realm I think.

We have an enemy, he's as old as time itself and he hates women with a passion. I believe that one of the reasons that satan hated Eve so much was that she reminded him of what he had lost. After all, he was the most beautiful of all of God's creation until iniquity was found in him. So just like the evil women who hate the beauty in all of those stories, that theme is just borrowed from the bigger story that God has been telling all along.

I have been married for close to 24 years, and in all of that time my bride has rolled her eyes at me when I tell her of how beautiful that she is to me. She has made too many comments about physical imperfections (as perceived by her, not me) since I have known her and truthfully it has been a source of irritation for me and caused a little conflict from time to time in our relationship.

I was thinking about just this thing the other day when I heard a man complaining about his wife and how she had just let herself go, and didn't do anything to make herself attractive to him. As I thought on this, I was amazed and baffled to think that this man who had married a girl, now after a few years said that he couldn't stand the sight of her.

My bride is as beautiful to me today, as she was the day she walked down that aisle to take my name. I didn't actually think that it was really possible to be more in love with her than I was back then, but my love for her has grown more than I ever realized it could. When she appeared in her wedding gown, she took my breath away, and has been doing that ever since. Now some of you "realists" that are reading this may say, yeah but she doesn't she look different than she did all those years ago? Yes, but I don't look the same as I did back then either. Nobody ages without changes taking place, but you see it's not just the physical aspect of her that I love, and it never was.

Change is inevitable, it stalks us like a predator and if all we base our relationships on is how we look, then we'll be set up to take a fall as the years go by. This is not to say that I don't love the way my bride looks today, I do, and yes, she still takes my breath away. In Scripture God instructs the husband to wash his bride with the water of the Word. (Ephesians 5:26) We husbands would do a great thing if we would begin to speak words of life to our brides, because she will only be as beautiful as you make her with your words. Because what you say to her and about her does matter.

As I said earlier, your bride already has an enemy whose heart is set against her. The devil talks incessantly to her about her looks and and where she is lacking in beauty and is blowing it as your wife. She needs you to tell her how much you admire and need her to help combat the evil thoughts that the enemy is throwing at her daily. Let me ask you, if you are saying derogatory things to your bride, how does that help her? That would be like she is trapped in a tower by the enemy, and you ride up on your horse and begin to hurl insults at her instead of trying to rescue her. Doesn't that seem a little be ridiculous?

You need to be her knight in shining armor. She needs you to protect and rescue her from the enemy, not aid him in tearing her self esteem down. When has criticism ever helped to bring about healing or restoration? I'm often amazed to hear people say, "Well I just don't love her anymore." People, love is a decision that you make. You decide to love someone despite any of their faults. You love someone through their shortcomings and help them to become a better person. I'm thankful that my bride has done that for me, and I will gladly do that for her.

Men, let's love our brides in such a way that the attacks of the enemy bounce off of them and they truly come to realize how important that they are to us? I mean after all if there are no fair maidens to rescue and dragons to slay, then we are just all dressed up for nothing. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

It's A Partnership Not A Dictatorship

Marriage should really be a partnership if it is going to work correctly. Neither marriage partner should act as if it is their way or the highway.

Truthfully when God handcrafted and fashioned Eve for Adam, He didn't do that so that Adam could dictate his will to Eve. Yet since the devil entered the picture that is how he has worked to pervert marriage. He wants one or both of the partners to try and force their will on the other.

Is it any wonder that marriages are failing? Jesus said it in Matthew 12:25 "...every household divided against itself will not stand." When one of the people in the marriage tries to force their will as the only way, and make their spouse bend to their will that becomes a dictatorship and loss of partnership.

I married someone who is completely different than me, and not just because she is a female and I'm a male either. Our personalities are extremely different. A friend of mine saw a bumper sticker in Texas that said, "When two of you are just alike, one of you is not needed." That is so true in marriage. My bride and I rarely see things the same way, and that really is a good thing. She sees things that I may not see when approaching a situation, just as I see things differently than her. When we pool our resources and put aside the "I'm right and you're wrong." way of thinking we become a much stronger unit. And this is where we become a success.

Is it any wonder that the enemy opposes marriage? Think about your own marriage, has it ever been opposed? Most of the time we are so close to the situation that we think it is our spouse that is the problem, when in all actuality it is not. I know in my marriage 9 times out of 10 I am the problem, but then the enemy whispers in my ear that it is her, and I begin to think, "Yeah, that's right. She's the problem, she never does..." and then he has me.

I think the greatest tool that any of us can use in marriage is the "I'm sorry, I was wrong." card. It cannot be used too much, and the greater part of valor is to have your marriage be a success, not a failure. And if it is a failure, more often than not it is because we have just quit trying. Marriage is hard work, and if you are going to enter into marriage you need to know that. It is great, I love being married to my bride, but we don't always get along, agree or hardly ever see things eye to eye. But we have made a commitment to stick it out, forgive quickly and often and work hard to be there for each other, not stick a knife in each other's backs.

Remember, if you are married you'd do well to quit trying to dictate to your spouse, and learn everything you can about how you can work together to make it succeed. Strength and honor for the Kingdom and the King!

Naked And Not Ashamed

I heard of a family member (who will remain nameless) that was talking about marriage to his girlfriend. When the dates were discussed, many of them were shot down due in fact to various hunting seasons he would be engaging in. Now when I heard this, I was absolutely blown away (like all of the hunting metaphors?) by the thought that a young man would rather go hunting than on his honeymoon.

Now I'm not trying to be crass here, but when I was younger and my wedding day was drawing closer and closer, I've got to admit that the honeymoon was one of the foremost things on my mind. And yes, if you actually talk to my bride now, she would say that this one thing has not been off of my mind in the past twenty-three years much either.

I have talked with many men over the years, and one of the things that still floors me is that so many men are not enraptured with the love of their wife. I often hear men talk about their brides as if they are either property, or just some person who is in their life who is no different than the local grocery store clerk. To not want to spend time with your bride just absolutely does not compute with me.

I married Cheryl twenty-three years ago, and us getting to be naked together is a benefit of that, but that is not the only reason that I married her. I actually married Cheryl the person, not just Cheryl the body. It is her personality that I really enjoy being around, (this is not to say that she is not pleasing to my eyes, because she is) her love of life and sense of humor really bring joy to my life.

I've often wondered about men who don't treat their wives with the respect that is due them as their wife. We are commanded in Scripture to give them honor as the weaker vessel. This is not to say that they are subservient to us, or not as good as us, but we are to treat them delicately like we would a piece of fine China. They are precious to us, and we have to remember that daily.

Men, if you haven't been treating your wife the best, then I would suggest that you begin to do so today. Think of ways that would make her happy, then go and do those things. Show her that she is the most important thing to you next to God. You'll be glad you did! Loving our wife should be the foremost thing in our thoughts each day, right after how we can please our God, and loving your bride pleases Him greatly!

Eagle Song - Song Of Love

I received the following blog from Col Stringer, a minister from Australia. I enjoyed it so much that I had to share it. Married couples could learn a lot from Eagles. Enjoy...

EAGLE COURTSHIP

It thrilled me to find eagles have beautiful 'marriage' relationships - the female being an ideal mother, the male a courageous and lifelong mate. Here once again we can learn from the eagle - the king of birds with whom we are compared by our heavenly Father. There's so much this wonderful bird can teach us about life together. Eagles mate for life; a fact not common in the animal kingdom. No matter what happens (short of death), the 'marriage' will last - but not only last, the birds put a a lot of effort into making sure the bond lasts. Eagles carry out an elaborate courtship, one that doesn't cease at mating but continues throughout their life together. We can learn a lot from this wonderful bird, especially in the area of marriage relationships. It seems as if the male eagle never takes his mate for granted but continues to court her for the rest of her life. In fact, besides the amorous attention the male displays, he also helps with much of the work, such as hunting for food, feeding and caring for the young.

SKY DANCING

Naturally an eagle’s courtship takes place in the sky - high above the earth, where the bird is most at ease. The mating couple save their best displays of flight for their displays of affection. Occasionally the eagles will perform a midair loop, no mean feat for a bird. The two soar and dive in a breathtaking display of power and agility, virtually 'dancing across the sky'. Gradually they begin to interlock their talons in midair, performing rolling somersaults and engaging in incredible aerial aerobatic feats together. Their 'love song' echoing across their domain. Even normally silent species of eagles resort to these love calls. During the spectacular aerial display the female may carry a stick high into the air and drop it. The male responds by diving to retrieve it. These mating displays may be repeated over and over again, but the climax of the performance comes when the male dives at the female and she rolls onto her back in mid-air. The female flashes her deadly talons, not in a sign of hostility, but one of love as the courting couple dance across the sky. The couple engage in a series of cartwheels as they plummet toward the earth far below - their talons firmly clasped together in a loving embrace. (We have this captured on film on my dvd entitled 'On Eagle's Wings')

It's a beautiful sight and sound to behold the eagles courtship flight as they wheel and glide - locked together in their spectactular nuptial display. Their courtship flight reminds me of two graceful ballet dancers gliding in unison across the sky, soaring and diving - their joyful mating vows ringing and echoing aloft in a realm few creatures ever attain. Their vow to each other speaks of complete and total trust - a vow not taken lightly, loyal to each other unto death. Although this courtship flight takes place at mating, some species of eagle will continue to perform this love ritual throughout their life together, as a sign of devotion, affection and to strengthen the bond between the two. The union grows stronger with the passing years. The couple rarely fight and will join together in the face of adversity, threat, danger and even for the simple pleasure of hunting and soaring together. They are classic mates, besides being lovers and parents, they are friends - happy in each others company. Often they can be observed gliding on the thermals or quietly perched high above the earth, as the couple observe their domain. The king and queen of the sky.

As the male eagle demonstrates great signs of affection for its mate herein lies a lesson for most husbands. Often while the female sits on the nest, the male bird will gently stroke and groom her feathers. Of course it’s impossible to say what the bird’s motives are, but I like to believe that it's a sign of affection. The male may even take his turn at 'baby sitting' the eggs, and should something disastrous happen to the mate, the male will even raise the young alone. That’s dedication, that’s commitment! The king of the sky - a baby sitter! Some species of male eagle leave the nest daily in a search for a sprig or branch of greenery. Realising that some raptors nest in barren desert areas, this may entail long flights to locate a suitable bush or tree. Once found the male eagle selects a sprig of greenery (new life) and flies back to the nest to present his mate with his 'gift of love.' Experts disagree as to what place this sprig plays in the life of the eagle.Some believe it's to decorate the nest, others say it's a sign of new life, while others suggest it's a sign of affection for the mate. I agree with the last, I believe it's a token of love. In fact, I believe the eagle uses the sprig of greenery to keep the romance alive in its marriage. Perhaps knowing they are mated for life encourages the birds to make every attempt to build a strong happy relationship. Certainly they go to great pains to strengthen the bond between them, in fact eagles develop such a close affinity that the female is often aware of the approaching male long before he is visible to her. Then, anticipating his arrival, she may rise to meet him in the air. A kindred spirit develops between the couple, far stronger than physical ties.

A Gift For Your Mate

So my question to you is this. When's the last time you did something to show your faithfulness, to strengthen your love bonds? Again we can learn a lesson from the eagle. As the couple perform their regular courtship flights, so too should couples make every attempt to have time alone. I believe husbands and wives should 'honeymoon' alone at every opportunity, at least every couple of months but preferably once a month. Even if they can spend time alone for a few hours, or better still a day. Marriage must be worked at to succeed. Eagles spend much of their time soaring together, neither seem to ever take the other for granted - a lesson these remarkable birds could teach us humans. Many males think it’s simply not 'macho' to show any sign of public affection, even if it’s just bringing flowers or a present. “That’s for the birds”, they say. And that’s exactly right - it's for the eagle - king of birds! During the nesting season eagles go through a daily courtship display and yet one would hardly refer to the male eagle as a 'sissy' bird. There are few creatures who would dare challenge an aroused eagle in combat, yet this king of the sky brings its mate fresh 'flowers' to the nest every day. If it's good enough for an eagle, it should be good enough for us!

So, when was the last time you surprised your mate with a gift of your love? Take a lesson from the eagle - marriage is not a 50-50 contract, it's 100% giving from each partner to the other and if necessary, sometimes 110%. Jesus tells us: "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my command-ment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:11-13). So is your joy full? Do you lay down your life for your mate? The eagle will, if necessary, give its life in the defence of its mate or family. I have observed this first hand, as well as reading numbers of stories about how eagles have sacrificed themselves to protect each other. They are wonderful role models for us today. The eagle’s first concern is for its family and not itself. We may never be called to lay down our lives in actual death but we can give our lives daily for one another. We can learn to place the welfare of our spouse or family above our own selfish interests and desires. True love is totally unselfish. Love puts the well being of the other partner above self. Be a doer of the word in your relationships and you can avoid many of the pitfalls that have befallen others. Whatever way the family goes - so goes our nation!

Christians should enjoy a marriage relationship that's a witness to the world. Many of us can’t be preachers, teachers or evangelists, but one of the most powerful ways we can be a witness to our Lord Jesus Christ is through our marriages. Truly, the Christian couple who make the decision to live a life of faithfulness as 'Eagle Christians' will be a beautiful and loving example of just how our Heavenly Father meant us to live. Each thinking of the other first, striving to make the other's life a little easier and a little happier. Sharing the good with the bad, the irksome with the joyous, the problems with the excitement. Such a couple stand out in this world full of selfishness just as the courting eagles stand out against the back drop of the sky. Their love songs echoing out across the wilderness, as they virtually 'dance across the sky' in their 'waltz on wings'. Such a couple's presence is welcome and a joy to behold as they boldly live the life they're called to live.

We have just celebrated our 50 wedding anniversary with a small group of friends and family. If you are interested in taking a look the Youtube link is in the Subject box

Blessings

Col and Jan Stringer