It's The Little Things

If you been in a church for any length of time you have probably heard the phrase, "it's the little foxes that spoil the vine..." I was thinking about this phrase one day and decided to look it up in the Bible. I found it in Song of Solomon 2:14 - 16 which says, "O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies."

What the Lord showed me while I was looking at this phrase, is just as it is the little things (The little foxes.) that can wear down your marriage and bring it to ruin, it is the little things that we do right in our marriage that build it up. You know, it's not really the big things in my marriage to Cheryl that ever trip us up. Usually because the big things are so noticeable, that we immediately fix them. It's those little things, the laundry not in the hamper, the trash not taken out or a kind word not given even when it is deserved that usually make us stumble.

I know you've been there, you do something you think your wife will appreciate, and she either doesn't notice at all, or critiques the job you did. Or she thinks to make your favorite dinner, you enjoy it but forget to thank her for the effort. We all do these things, even though we usually are not trying to hurt our spouse in the process. We truly just didn't think about it, because it is a "little thing".

I think that one of the greatest things I ever do for my bride is to say, "Thank you." That simple little phrase conveys a great deal, and can show that I've noticed unlike anything else will. We need to appreciate our spouse, and let them know it. You know I find it funny that on the day that Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan river, God Himself spoke that He was well pleased with Jesus. I think that if God felt the need to affirm Jesus, then how much more should we affirm those around us too?

Just remember, it is the little things that will mess up your marriage, and it is the little things that will make your marriage great! Keep at it kids, marriage may be hard at times, but it is still the best life that I know of. God bless you as you take care of those little things.

Being Smitten, Being In Deep Smit

Have you ever been head over heels in love with your spouse? Have you ever wished that they had never been born? Okay, maybe that's a little too harsh, but have you wanted to slap them upside their head? I know that in my marriage there have been plenty of opportunities for Cheryl and I to feel that way.

Marriage isn't an institution of unending bliss, no matter what you see on television and movies. Anytime you put two people into an enclosed space for any amount of time there will be friction. But not always, sometimes there are those moments where you believe you might actually be growing together in a good way too.

"Marriage is two ignorant people growing up together." (Joe McGee) I really believe that God kind of tricks us into getting married too. He makes women to be so attractive to the man's eyes, that he will actually do anything to have her. I remember years ago, I would sleep until the last possible moment then get up and race to work. Then I met Cheryl, and was I ever smitten. I was in deep smit (So I Married An Axe Murderer).

I went from waiting until the last possible moment to waking up, getting ready for work and meeting her at her convenience store at 6:00 a.m. (Every day.) I would do anything or go anywhere to get to spend any amount of time with her. I say that God tricks us because if we actually knew what marriage was going to involve, we'd never do it.

Marriage is hard, and anyone who says otherwise is lying. Now don't get me wrong, marriage is great too, but it does take hard work to make it that way. I can honestly say that I grow more in love with my bride each and every day, even if she does something to rub me the wrong way. (Which doesn't happen very often any more.) But it is a choice to love her each and every time.

How about you in your marriage? Are you smitten with your spouse, or do you tend to see more of the negative traits than the positive ones? Do this exercise real quick, write down all of the things that they do that irritates you and on a separate piece of paper write down all of the things that they do that you like.

Then wad up that paper with your "dislikes" on it and throw it away. Tell the Lord that you are throwing that out, and you won't remember it any longer. Now, fold up your "likes" page and put it in your wallet or your purse and every time your spouse does something to irritate you, take that sheet out and remind yourself of those things that you like about them.

Come on folks, we're in the last days, and the enemy of our souls (The devil.) has got his imps working hard to destroy marriages, because he knows that if two get together against him, he doesn't stand a chance. Work at your marriage, go ahead get smitten, get in deep smit!

How Does She Know?

One of the things that I like about this new blog on marriage is that it lets my sentimental and romantic side out a little bit more often. I am truly a romantic at heart, even if my gruff exterior sometimes hides that fact. I read years ago in a book about knights, that one of the characteristics of them was that they knew how to truly love well. I don't think you can really love someone well unless there is a little bit of a romantic on the inside of you. Most men do have it, they just choose to not show it very often.

I saw the movie "Enchanted" a few years back, and it may actually be one of my all time favorite Disney movies. It has a great story, and one of the best songs ever written. What I really love about this part of the movie is that you see one of the things that Disney has been great at in every fairy tale cartoon they have ever made, and that is the large musical number including a huge cast of characters singing and dancing.

In the video I've posted on here, you will see that with real people for a change. It brings a smile to my heart every time I see it. It helps me to remember to show Cheryl my bride how much I love her. There is a line in the song that I think really says it all, "You got to show her you need her, not treat her like a mind reader." And that unfortunately is what we men tend to do.

So enjoy my favorite Disney video from the movie "Enchanted", and guys don't forget to tell her how much she means to you. Live well, and love large!

The Marriage Triangle

One of the most important aspects of marriage I think is about how the two becoming one. This is called a mystery, but I don't really think it is all that mysterious actually.

When a man and woman get married, they leave behind the family they were born into, and become a new family unit. Of course, this doesn't mean that they no longer have anything to do with their families, it just means that now the two individuals have become one.

Years ago, a very wise man told Cheryl and I to make sure that we each chased after God, and in doing so we would grow closer. It's like the diagram above, as the husband and wife each reach out towards God, the closer they get to Him, the closer they get to each other. God needs to be the central guiding figure in a marriage, after all He created it. So it would only stand to reason that if we are going to have a successful marriage, then we should look to Him to help us fulfill that.

So what does growing closer to God and in turn growing closer to each other look like? How do you walk that out? For me, it is making sure that you are following and becoming a disciple of the Lord Jesus daily. It's praying for your spouse, when they are around and even when they're not. It's putting them and their needs before yourself, you know, that agape-type love, the selfless love that looks out for the needs of others instead of its own needs. It's knowing when to talk, when to listen, when to hug and when to steer clear. It's about knowing your spouse and what makes them tick, not ticked off. (Thanks Joe McGee for that reminder.)

Marriage is not rocket science, it is really pretty simple if you'll let it be. The only time that it has ever become difficult for me, is when I'm not walking in the love of Christ towards my bride like I should be. And I know you've probably never done that, but in case you know anyone who has, be sure and help them alright?

The world that we are living in today is seeing marriages fail right and left. The enemy (The devil.) knows that if he can destroy the family he can hurt God. Don't let this happen to yours marriage. Fight for it, growing closer to God and in the process growing closer to each other too.

Love well, and you'll live well. Shalom!

What Are You Laughing At?

Have you ever noticed those people who make jokes at their spouse's expense? You know, the one that seems to bring up qualities or the little quirks that perhaps embarrass their marriage partner. Only to end with, "But honey, I was only joking."

One of the most important lessons that I think I've learned about being married is that there are certain things that I just don't discuss about my bride with anyone. At least not unless we've talked about it first. There have been times where we led some classes at church, and we decided on what we would talk about and what we wouldn't.

I remember one time, way back in the day when we would go to kid's camp for a few days with our church's children church. We had a couple of ladies in one of the classrooms checking everyone out for head lice, and Cheryl was sitting there getting her hair checked out, when I popped off about something about our private lives. Of course I did it just to be funny, but I completely didn't take into consideration her feelings nor did I think about it before I said what I said. I just thought this could be funny and I opened my mouth and totally embarrassed my bride.

On the ride to kid's camp I kept thinking about what I had said, and the look on her face. I felt horrible, and really wished I could have gone and taken all of that back. But, there is no time machine for making amends. Instead, I called her as we were driving (We both had driven our vehicles.) and asked her to forgive me. I truly was sorry for what I had done, and wanted to make it right before we got to camp.

I've remembered that for years now, and I'm pretty sure that I will never forget it. I now stop and think before speaking, and that image of the hurt on Cheryl's face has kept me from saying things many times. (Yay! I'm growing.) I'm sure that none of us really wants to do anything to hurt our spouse's feelings, yet it can happen if we don't watch what we're doing. Let's love our spouse and work really hard to keep from saying anything to hurt or embarrass them.

Waiting On A Woman

I love this song.

In The Beginning...

All of us who are married had an "In the beginning" moment in our lives. Mine happened almost twenty-three years ago in the town of Muskogee, Oklahoma. Now I must confess that since I was about fifteen I had a driving desire to marry and share my life with a special woman. I can remember watching my parents together and thinking, "Man, I want that!" Of course I did the "dating" thing yet there never seemed to be that one moment in my heart where I felt I had found the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I remember going to a Carmen concert in Tulsa, Oklahoma with my church. The girl I was dating at the time and I had purchased tickets for a couple of teenagers, and had driven them to Tulsa with a whole group from our church. As we all made our way to our seats and got ready for the show to start, I looked down the row behind me to the seat at the opposite end of that row, and there I saw her. My heart was smitten, I thought who is that girl? I have got to meet her.

The concert was great, there was a huge move of God during it and then we all went back to the church to drop off the teens. It was there in the church parking lot that I saw her once again. She was actually standing by my car window and I was completely taken back by how beautiful she was, and vowed to myself that I would get to know this girl.

A few weeks later while I was at work, she came into my dad's shoe store to purchase some shoes. I could hardly speak, I was excited to see her again. I helped her pick out a pair of Dexter hand-stitched shoes, and then for the rest of the day I was floating on a cloud. I could not believe how beautiful this woman was, she literally took my breath away. (Something she still continues to do to this day as well.)

I don't know how long it was, maybe a week possibly two and she came back into the shoe store with the shoes I had sold her. I actually thought she was coming back in to see me, until she showed me one of her shoes and told me that it was coming apart. I quickly fixed the problem for her, and she left. It wasn't until later that we began to talk at church a little bit more, and after a fellowship dinner I was asked if I could help her drive a vehicle back to her brother's house in Vian, Oklahoma. I quickly agreed and off we went.

That night after returning to where I had parked my car, we sat and talked for hours and hours about what we wanted out of life, and where we thought God was taking us. A dear friend named Leslie lived in the apartment complex where I had parked my car and told us later that she had watched us through the blinds to see what we were doing. I don't remember if I kissed her that night or not, but I was hooked and that was the night that I knew I would share my life with this girl. I often told people after that night that I was going to marry Cheryl, but not to say anything to her about it, because we hadn't talked about that yet.

The rest is history as they say, God has done a mighty powerful work in mine and Cheryl's lives these past twenty plus years. I can honestly say that she is my best friend, and someone that I am so thankful I get to spend my life with. Without her by my side, I would just be another doofus male trying to get by. Here's to "In the beginnings...."

Two Becoming One

Tonight I decided that I needed to add an additional blog to my repertoire. And that for this one, I wanted to focus specifically on marriage.

Marriage is the best thing that has happened to me on this planet. That is not to say that it has always been easy, because it hasn't. But it is still hands down the best thing that I've ever been a part of.

The Bible talks about how a man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Marriage was in the heart of God from the very beginning when he said that it wasn't good for man to be alone. I know that we've all heard jokes about marriage and how typically the world views marriage as old fashioned and all that, but I"m here to tell you that it is a very good thing, and that when it is working the way that God intends it to, then you can experience a powerful relationship that will prove to be extremely rewarding for the both of you.

My good friend Joe McGee puts it this way: "You don't find a good marriage, you build one. And the marriages that have been put to the test and lasted are the ones where both parties work diligently at them. Anything that you have that is worth something has had much effort and time invested in it. And if we think that our marriages will be good just because we wish them to be, then we are fooling ourselves.

So come with me on this journey of discovering the greatness that you can have in your marriage, if you are willing to work for it. I guess the question is then, are you willing to put in the extra time and effort to make your marriage the best that it can be?