How Does She Know?

The couple sat across from their counselor; the wife in tears and the man looking annoyed.  Through the sobs, she managed to squeak, “I don’t even know if he loves me.”  “Love you,” he barked, “of course I love you, I married you didn’t I?”

While this is a humorous look at married life, it’s more often than not a truth about the state of marriages in our society today.  The problem is miscommunication I think.  It’s not always what is said, but how it is said; it’s a matter of perspective.  So my question for the men is how does she know that you love her?

Men and women think differently, there is just no disputing this; it’s the way we’ve been created.  You see, each of us displays a different characteristic of our Father God at the level of our gender.  The real test for the marriage relationship is how well a man and woman work together becoming one like God intended in the first place.

Some men are just not comfortable, or feel inadequate when it comes to the “language” of love, yet they are right at home doing things which show they love their wife.  Perhaps your husband doesn’t buy you presents or write poetry, but he keeps the yard mowed and the bills paid.  To him, this screams “I love you!”  Unfortunately a lot of ladies talk bad about their husbands saying he never takes them dancing or buys them flowers, yet he is showing you love in the way which makes sense to him.

Now this is not to give the guys a pass here.  Gentlemen you should find out what makes your bride tick and do those things and what ticks her off and not do those.  If she wants to go dancing – take a dance lesson.  If she comments about you leaving your dirty underwear on the floor, pick them up and put them in the hamper.  Don’t take the caveman approach saying, “I’m the man of this house!”  I assure you this won’t work like you think.

Scriptures instructs husbands to love their wives like Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25) This is our example men; we are to love our wives like Jesus loves us, giving everything we have to the relationship.  Maybe there is a chick flick she wants to see that you could care less about, take her anyway.  Marriage is not about the man ruling the roost and all of that, it’s about us growing together and becoming one, so take an interest in what interests your bride, and see what happens.  I promise you, it will pay dividends beyond your wildest dreams.

For the Kingdom and the King!

What Idiot Said Beauty Is Only Skin Deep?

I know, I know this phrase actually speaks to how placing too much emphasis on beauty is really superficial and everything, but I was thinking about this today in the context of marriage and I had to think that beauty, the true beauty of a person runs way deeper than skin level. 


It actually runs to the deep places in the heart of a person.  Now before you go putting words into my mouth like he's saying that his bride is not beautiful or something like that, that is not where I'm going at all, so put that thought out of your mind completely.  My bride is the most beautiful woman that I have ever known, or ever will know and truthfully I think that she grows more beautiful with each passing year.


There is another saying which says that love is blind, and I actually heard a version of that in the third Star Wars movie I watched today, (Actually it is the sixth installment of the series but episode three...I know confusing huh?) here is the transcript from the movie where Anakin and Padme are talking about being in love:


ANAKIN: You are so beautiful!

PADME: It's only because I'm so in love . . .

ANAKIN: No, it's because I'm so in love with you.

PADME: So love has blinded you?

ANAKIN: Well, that's not exactly what I meant . . . 


Love does not truly blind, but actually it is as we come to know our spouse in the deeper sense of the meaning that we come to truly love them, the real them.   This coming August my bride and I will have been married for twenty-four years.  I have spent now almost half of my life with this girl who chose me, and even though we've had our ups and downs, I am still madly and passionately in love with her.  I know I may end up regretting this but here goes, I do not look the same way that I did twenty-four years ago, and neither does Cheryl.  


There have been changes in our appearances, some more drastic than others, and that is all I'm going to say about that.  But what I really want to get at, is that even though there are changes that have taken place in our physical looks, I have to say that Cheryl's beauty, her true beauty is the real her, and that is her spirit.  Her beauty is more than skin deep, it is at the level of her soul, who she is as the person that God made her to be.  This is not to say that I don't find her outer beauty pleasing to my eyes, because I do, ask her, I tell her all the time, and I really mean it. She of course will roll her eyes at me, but she's been doing that for twenty-four years now why should she change?  


There is a movie called Shallow Hal, and in it the main character is given a gift to actually be able to see the true beauty of each girl he meets.  It's a funny movie, but truly poignant when the viewers realize that most of the people that we think of as the "beauties" which the world desires are truly the ugly people, and the people who never get a second look are the real beauties.  If only we were able to have this ability, the world would be such a different place I think.


Our society spends so much time on what is considered beautiful and everything, yet I'm afraid that we've actually missed it.  So many young ladies spend their lives trying to live up to what the world says they should look like, and never truly get it.  They walk around feeling like failures or unwanted because they don't match up to the images in the media and go through life trying desperately to please, only to find out that after all their efforts their beauty (the outside beauty) will begin to fade with time.  


I think that during every marriage counseling session the young "in love" couple should be shown wedding pictures of couples and then shown follow up pictures from like twenty-five years later.  Of course this may scare the young people, but may save some trouble later on too.  I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a beautiful bride who is so both inside and out, and look forward to many more years together to discover the beauty that has yet to be unveiled in her.