I Am One Lucky Man

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This was published by Elizabeth Barrett Browning in 1850, and is most often attributed to William Shakespeare. It is an interesting poem, one which I only remember the opening line. But it is that opening line that I want to expound on today. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. How do I love my bride Cheryl? And is it actually possible to really count the ways? I would venture to say only if I have an entire day or more to do so.

I've known many men in my forty-seven years that either say nothing about their brides, or they say too much. Griping, making jokes or belittling them in front of others, all the while wondering why their relationship with their wife isn't all it could be. Many years ago, I decided that there were things about Cheryl that I wanted to see change. (Okay we'd only been married a little while, and we all do it, so don't give me crap about it.)

Anyway, I began to look up Scriptures in the Bible about what God said a wife should be. I wrote those things down, and began to confess them daily about my bride. The funny thing is, that in about a month's time she never did change, but the way that I saw her did. Those things that I was saying about her to try and change her, actually wound up changing the way I was thinking about her, and then she was those things to me. God's Word is amazing that way.

I have been married to this girl for almost twenty-three years now, and we have been through our share of good times and bad, mostly good I'm thankful to say. There has never been a dull moment, as we have grown together as a couple, and I am truly one lucky man. You know the statement that "He sure did marry up." is very true in my instance, I married way beyond me. But the coolest thing I think is that God brought the two of us together, and He has walked with us and helped us to see the best in each other, and to help us correct those things that aren't the best.

In the words of Jack Nicholson's character in the movie "As Good As It Gets", Cheryl makes me want to be a better man. Here's the clip:

And Another One Bites The Dust

Well it has happened again. Another public figure has fallen due to a sexual misconduct scandal. Oregon's seven term Democratic Congressional Representative David Wu has said that he will resign from office because of allegations that he had unwanted sexual contact with a teenage girl.

This guy is fifty-six years old. What was he thinking? Back in Oregon, the pressure has been on him to resign following reports of his erratic behavior. Prior to today's announcement, he tried to deflect such pressure by stressing that he was under going mental health treatment. Why can't men just take the blame and quit trying to pass the buck and blame shift. This is one of the main problems in Washington, men without backbone. Oh, there are a few of them there, but not enough.

My take on this and every other instance we find men in power caught in these types of scandals is that when you have had a taste of power, it sometimes goes to your head and you think that you are invincible. I mean why else would you have a sexual encounter with the daughter of one of your long time friends and donors to your campaigns? What other explanation is there?

The saddest part of this is that Wu has a family that now is being drug through the mud alongside him. Had he only kept his integrity and acted like any responsible adult male should, he would not find himself in this position. I mean come on a fifty-six year old with an eighteen year old, he's old enough to be her grandfather.

Men, we are commanded to love our wives in Scripture using Jesus as our example. He loved us so much that He went to the cross and died for us. That is how we should love our wives, enough that we can give up our little desires to see that her needs are met. God did not call us to a life of selfishness, and whining, "But what about me?" What about you? You are there to meet her needs, relying on God to make sure that your needs are met.

Let's love our wives the right way, and change this world, one relationship at a time!

This Thing Called Marriage

I went on a date with my bride tonight. It's not something that we get to do very often, although there have been more opportunities here lately, now that our kids are teenagers and away from the house more. I've been tempted to tell them to call before coming home, but I'm sure that would just gross them out.

I was thinking about our marriage vows as I drove home from the movie tonight,

you know like this; I, ____take you____ to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do us part. That kind of thing. I was thinking that when I said this to Cheryl almost twenty-three years ago, I never thought about where we would be twenty-three years later.

Now before I say something stupid, let me explain myself. Marriage as my good friend Joe McGee says is hard. And anybody who tries to tell you different is lying to you. This is not to say that marriage is not good, not at all, but marriage is what you make of it. Good or bad for the most part it is what we do with it that makes it either good or bad. And yes I understand that there are exceptions to this, but I'm talking about the majority of marriages.

As Joe says, "You don't find a good marriage you make one." And a truer statement has never been made. I think however because we've seen so much on television and in movies that sometimes we have kind of a mixed up way of looking at what marriage should be like. Relationships are messy, and I think that God kind of made them that way. What I mean by that, is that it is in the messiness of life that we actually learn to grow together.

My bride Cheryl and I will celebrate twenty-three years of marriage in a little over a month, and I can honestly say that I know her better now than I did when we were first married. She would tell you that she knows me better now than when we first married, even though it probably only took a few months to figure me out. But as I was sitting in the theater tonight talking with her before the previews started, (You should never talk during the previews, that's part of the movie experience!) I once again realized what it was that attracted me to this girl in the first place.

I've said it in other blogs before, but I believe that it bears repeating here. It is the little foxes that spoil the vine, as Solomon said in Song of Songs. In other words, it is the little things in life that cause the problems. It is not the big major things usually, because in those times we usually band together and rally to the fight. No, it is those little mundane things; not taking out the trash, badgering your husband to fix something or just talking ugly to each other out of laziness. It is these things that erode your marriage from the inside out.

Well, if the little things can hurt your marriage, then it stands to reason that doing the little things can help your marriage. Saying thank you to your spouse when they do something around the house, instead of saying, "Well you live here too, you ought to be doing some of the work around here!" The devil wants nothing more than to destroy your marriage, and he does it through the little things.

Marriage should be a shining example of what love really is, the giving of one's self to another completely without thought of gain. When we begin to have thoughts about our needs not being met, and how we are the ones who it seems is always giving, then look out! That is the devil trying to get in and cause a little trouble.

Love never deals in absolutes, only selfishness does. If you are find yourself in a situation where you are beginning to think things that are more selfish in nature, stop those thoughts right there. As the Bible says, we are to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5) Make your thoughts line up with the Word of God concerning your marriage, don't let them control you. It can be difficult, but then we were told to fight the good fight of faith, not to cower in the face of the fight.

There have been millions who have been married and gone on before us, and there will be millions who follow after us when it comes to being married. Let's look at those good examples, and lay down our lives for those around us to see. The dividends will be huge if we'll work at it, and will be so worth it in the end!

Love well, and love long in Jesus Name!